On being mindful

When my kids were younger, I used to randomly say, “Mindful moment,” which meant “right now, at this specific moment, are you feeling happy?”

Because working with young children made me believe that happiness is our natural state of being human, feeling curious and joyful and creative, and situations might sometimes cloud that, make us feel angry or sad or off-balance. I believed that by letting go of attachment to those negative feelings, we could return to our fundamental happiness. The theory being that if they were feeling unhappy, they could do whatever problem-solving to correct it, or if fixing the problem was out of their power, they could practice radical acceptance. Either way, the end result being feeling happy again.

Now instead of that, I say, “Are you feeling capable?” Because happy is not a constant, especially as you get older and experience more conditions for pain and suffering. But we’re human, which means we’re problem-creators and problem solvers both. Feeling capable means that you can deal with all of the things, even if they’re unpleasant or hard. If you’re not feeling capable, that means you feel alone and afraid; that’s the time when the people you love are there to hold you until you’re strong enough to reciprocate. When you read the books and study the things that shed light on the dark corners of your mind. When you observe the world around you, go clinical, let go of judgement, and you’re reminded of where your gratitude is held.

I highly, highly recommend DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It’s free to learn via internet resources, even more useful if you have the option to participate in a group. Stuff you already know, but broken down into the most fundamental level so that it makes sense.

Book recommendation: “Everything is Figureoutable”